Wednesday, 26 December 2012 @ 02:57 | 0 comments

Lately I've been depressed and stressed. I fake a smile everyday and every moment. To be honest, I didn't even feels happy.. I know one day we will not be together anymore. I know that day will come. I hate my feelings now. There is nothing that I can do.

I can't make him happy. High expectations leads me to disappointments. I shouldn't fall for him from the first. My faults. No doubt, it's my beautiful mistakes. I admit, I'm trying to make him happy. But it just not happening. I don't know why.

Well, next week school is start and I know our relationship/love will fade even more. I can't do anything..... None. Hopeless. It's killing me inside. To be honest, I'm crying every single night. The silent cry is the most hurtful ever. I have to grab my stomach and feels like screaming and let it all out but it just cannot.

Allah has gave me a nice partner ever in my life, alhamdulillah. But I don't appreciate him. I want to appreciate, I mean I'm trying to appreciate, it just not working. I'm a moron. I hate myself a lot. In a lot of ways I really do hate myself. I'm not good in anything. I'm such a failure. Epic failure......

He cried. He fought. He exhausted. And I know ..... He fed up. Next year will be a tough year for me. Well, PMR... Haikal will go to university and in there...... you know what I mean.. urm... <///3 It breaks me..
Seriously, like I said before.. If he finds his true soul-mates one day, I have to let him go..

Sometimes, If we love that one person, We have to let him go... 

Friday, 21 December 2012 @ 04:07 | 0 comments

I know you were bored.
I know you were sicked.
I know you can't take it anymore.

All this is my faults.
All this is because of me.
All things that happened is because of me.

Please don't be sad.
Don't even sad..
Beg you..
I'll be a faithful girlfriend.

I'm scared that you will leave me.
I'm scared that one day you will lost.
I'm scared that you getting hurt/sick.

I want you to be with me always be there at my side.
For forever..

@ 03:57 | 0 comments

I never believed in love. I was deceived by love. I never had much luck with lovers before.. And I couldn't compete, I seemed just part of the street. To be walked on by everyone, but then...

I found a very special love in you. It's a feeling that's totally new. Over and over it's burning inside. And it almost breaks me in two, squeezing me tighter. But I'm never gonna let go. I know you're one of the best. You give more than you should, then take nothing in return.

Stay always with me. And I always will be The one person that you can count on always to love you..

Needed me
@ 03:50 | 0 comments

I cried a tear, you wiped it dry. I was confused, you cleared my mind. I sold my soul, you bought it back for me. And held me up and gave me dignity. Somehow you needed me. You gave me strength to stand alone again.

To face the world out on my own again. You needed me. And I can't believe it's you. I can't believe it's true. I needed you and you were there. And I'll never leave, why should I leave? I'd be a fool. Cause I finally found someone who really cares.

You held my hand when it was cold. When I was lost, you took me home. You gave me hope when I was at the end. And turned back my lies to truth again. You trying to find time for me. Just for me.. I appreciate it a lot.

You're mine forever.

Iloveyou and only you
@ 03:41 | 0 comments

I only live to love you. Love you until forever. Day after day, Month after month, Year after year, For always. We will journey together. I only live to love you. Walk with my dreams beside you.

Smile after smile, Tear after tear, Laugh after laugh, In shadow or in sunshine. My love will guide you. When there are clouds above. If I have you to love, Why do I care, When you are there.

For when you you came my way, there was no yesterday. Only tomorrow with you, there. Here is my hand to lead you. Here are my arms that need you. I only live for your love, Haikal. For my love will be your love now and forever infinity and beyond.

Thursday, 20 December 2012 @ 18:02 | 0 comments

*sigh* I feels like completely hopeless shit ever...........................

Haikal got heart's problems.. and it is really a heartbreaking moments when he told me that.
When he is sick, I can't do nothing. Nothing... Nothing that I can do. And yes, to be honest, It makes me cry. I can't stand seeing he is hurting or what. I've made him cried. Yea, because I ignored his IM. I am just so mean. Meanest.

I just want to make him happy and forgets all his problems. But cannot.... I'm so sad right now. I'm not there to catch the tears falling. I'm not there when he is not feeling well. I'm not there when he needs me the most. I'm not there when he's feeling down. I'm not even there when he callings me...

What type of girlfriend am I? I shouldn't supposed to be into a relationship. Because my partner will get is Hurt. I don't want Haikal to get hurt by me. His own girlfriend.. </3 I'm totally broken now. Into pieces.
Haikal treats me so well. He is such an amazing guy. His love, his caringness, everything. He makes me feels good. He makes me happy. But me?.....

I just hope that he will never get bored with me. Because I know, I'm such a lamoss. Such a boring person ever in this entire universe. I need him :( But if one day, he finds his true soul-mate, I'll let he go. Even though it's killing me to see him with other girl.

Haikal's happiness is everything to me.

Sunday, 16 December 2012 @ 17:56 | 0 comments

I like your smile. I like your vibe. I like your style. But, that't not why I love you. And I, I like the way, you're such a star. But, that's not why I love you. Do you feel me? Do you feel what I feel too. Do you need me? You're so beautiful. But that's not why I love you. I'm not sure you know. That the reason I love you, is you being You.

Just you.

Yes, the reason I love you is all that we've been through and that's why I love you. I like the way, you misbehaved. But that's not why I love you. And how you keep your cool when I am complicated. But that's not why I love you.

I like the way you stare at me. I like the way you get your hair in the place. I like the way you sit down. I like the way you making me stare. I like all the things that you do. Your eyes is the most beautiful. Your nose is the well-formed. Gahhh, I like the everything that yours.

@ 17:10 | 0 comments

So, Me, Haikal & Dorathy hangouts on 15.12.2012. Our first attention is to go to Mizz Nina,  BoB and Far East Movement. Yeah, we went to. Then suddenly rain heavily. Hahaha we were laughing like crazy. Yeay it's raining and what ever. Haha. Actually, I don't really like Mizz Nina, BoB and Far East Movement so so Haikal and Dorathy. So we decided to go back to Times Square. Hahaha. 

First we went to the McD to eat. Well Haikal is extremely hungry. Pity him. Hahah and he ask me to finish my nuggets no matter what happened. Haihhhhhhhhh. I ate it and thank God I didn't puke. Hahaha. If not, I don't know what to say. Actually I was so excited when he gave me his phone and spec ask me for hold it for a while :p Hehehehehe okay enough. :p phewww~

Pity Haikal a lot! He looks exhausted. Me and Dorathy are following him like we're tourists. Lol. We didn't even know how to take LRTs. Hahahahaha. First time what, I'm taking public transport. My legs are killing me on that time. Hahaha then we took LRTs back to Imbi. Then walk walk walk walk walk until TS. We all have no idea where to go and what to do. So we decided to go to the cinema. Hahaha

You know what, We watched Lagenda Budak Setan 2. Hahah First time I watch malay movies at the cinema. Cool isn't it? Teeheeeee. Then waiting for a while for doors to open. Lol. Finally the door has opened. Yeay. *go inside the theater* Waiting for the movies to start. Well, I almost sleep. Dorathy is busy chatting with his boyfriend and Haikal, I don't know what did he did. I just focused at the screen. Haha


Suddenly Haikal whispered to me that he's not feeling well. His heart hurts ): His chest too tight and hard to breathe. Seriously on that time. I'm so extremely damn freaking worried about him. I asked him whether want to go back home now or not. Then he just smile and said 'I'm okay' And I was like... Erm okay...... Then he whispered to me again, 'Sejuk' So, I asked him to longer his cloth's sleeves. He looked so sicked. Seriously. I am so so so so worried. But he just keep saying I'm okay I'm okay. So okay then. 

I will never ever forget the moments that I had with him. Never. Ilove him so much. And forever will. NO ONE can replace his place in deep inside my heart even though when he's gone.. Ilove Haikal, and only Haikal. No other. He is mine forever and I'm Haikal's forever. I promise I won't leave him alone. Btw, It's hurt me when see his hurt. When he is in the pain and I can't do anything. I just wanna cry. I know he had a rough times. But I'll face the pain with him, together 

Ends with YOU
Saturday, 15 December 2012 @ 22:17 | 0 comments

Are you trying to heal a broken heart, operating in the dark. Let me be the light you need to get there.. I know one day the end will come. I am scared cause you're the one. Don't you know my love ain't going no where. Cause it ends with you. Haikal, it all ends with you.

It started with the 'I' then the 'L',  'O-V-E' came over me, and it ends with YOU. This love story ends with you. I know that she's been on your mind. Moving on it takes some time. Don't try to make it right if it's wrong. If you open your heart to me, you see them real, 1-4-3. Until then, I'ma write you this love song.

Cause it ends with you. It all ends with you. This love story ends with....... You. You could take your time. But you can never waste mine. I go through the most stress, all week cause I know when it's all said and done. It ends with You 

I hate myself
Friday, 14 December 2012 @ 09:01 | 0 comments

Oh, I admit. I'm not good in persuade a person or what ever. If that person sulk with me, I'll just be sorry,don't be mad. Urgh, I hate myself a lot. And that really breaks me. Today is the so not best day ever. Everyone is not in the mood. Moody all the time. I hate when someone using a high voices towards me. I'm an easily touched person.

Why can't I be happy just for once? Atleast for a second or a few minutes? Why must have heartbrokes in this world? Why must have backstabbers? Why must have heartbreakers? Why must have thieves? Why must have bad peoples? Seriously, I'm tired with all the bullshits that some people bring to my life. Sometimes, I feels like running away from this world..... I feels like I want to quit from this life. I'm done. I'm too tired. But mama said, I'm still young. There is happiness. Maybe not now. Eventually it will be, better.

Well, I hope that's true......

So today, I just made Haikal's mad or sad or idk how he felt. He said I gave too much excuses. I didn't even mean to gave too much excuses. Well, If it is my faults, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to give too much excuses.. Seriously, I didn't mean to. I don't want to make you feels upset or what...... Never. But I just did. And I feels so bad. I'm a bad person. I felt really bad..

Maybe I can't have a partner? Maybe I was not meant to be in a relationship? Maybe I was not a good person? Maybe I was created for being alone? Maybe...............? Who knows? That's why I'm scared to accept Haikal's love. Because I know, I can never makes my partner happy. Maybe he happy at the first time, then later he will be sad? I'm so useless.....

I feels like crying now. Idk why I like this......... Hopeless. Careless. Useless. What else? There is nothing that good about me. I'm a mean person. I'm not a good friend. Sometimes, I feels like killing myself,well ofcourse it's a sin. I don't wanna to get into hellfire. I'm scared. Ya Allah ):

I should be alone to prevent other people's heart to be broken by me. I don't want to attach to any other people anymore. Enough. There is so many, I mean too many  people's heart that I've broke. It breaks me too. I didn't even mean to break their hearts. It just happens. I'm a disaster haihhhhhh. But I'm very sure Allah creates me for something else. I just want to make other people around me happy, but cannot. People who knows me will be sad............ Ah this makes me cry... haha. I'm not meant to plays this part.

I will never pass for a perfect daughter, Can it be, I'm not meant to play this part? Now I see that if I truly to be myself I would break my family's heart. Who is that girl I see, Staring straight back at me, Why is my reflection someone I don't know? Somehow, I cannot hide. Who I am. Though I've tried. When will my reflection show who I am inside?... :'(

Here for love
Thursday, 13 December 2012 @ 20:02 | 0 comments

We are here for love.

Nobody knows how a love starts or how it moves on or even when it ends. It just appears, grows and ends. Like us, mortals. One way or another, it ends, not always literally saying, but at some moment it loses part of  the meaning it used to have.

And for those that disagree, please maintain your ideas and believe in them. I don’t doubt of that or deny it, but I have my own opinions, that are not the most absolute truth, but my own absolute truth.

Anyway, you and I know that endless or not, love is the most unbelievable thing in human existence.

The “to love” and “to be love”, that’s what I’m talking about.

The fact that among billions of people in the world, two of them look at each other as if they were unique. That among billions of people, you just want one person that wants you back. That it exists something so much stronger than anything, that is capable of destroy and raise whole universes. And that thing is inside people.

So superior that it doesn’t make difference between color, belief or any other social fiction. It’s love. For anyone in any place, it’s love, as much as for him or her. Love. Love for anyone. Love from poets, from musicians. From movies and theater. Love, always love. From every places, it comes, it grows and it ends.

Anywhere, it breaks and cures hearts. It happens or is moved on. A problem and a solution, all around the world, for all of us.

It is not a little thing, and it’s not for cheap sentimentalism that some stupid words try to describe it, for centuries we have been talking about. For centuries it is the favorite theme in poetry. Love, as it is, always love. Centuries and centuries later and no one gets tired of talking about it, or even hearing about it. Centuries and centuries later and the ladies are still crying, and the gentlemen still fighting.

Centuries and centuries later and they still Kiss each other in the end of the story. Centuries, centuries and centuries later and the idea never changes. But who said it has to be changed? We want it like this, we will cry at the end, it is not a matter of time. Love is timeless, and will always be the center of attentions.

Just because love is strong. More than just “strong”, it’s indestructible.

When a love is real, it is indestructible. And there are some people that don’t believe it, is that possible? There are people that despise its value. I object! It is from all the treasures, all the wealth, all the beauty and all it's worth in this world, because all of those things, by themselves, are nothing but accessories. They clearly serve for a lot of things, they can bring an human being to life, but none of those things make the world to care about itself.

Love makes us suffer. Nothing in the world brings so much pain as love. It can be tough, cruel. It can tear us apart. It can be the biggest villain of a story. It can be the purest and the hardest pain ever.

But still, it’s love.

And if by one side it makes you suffer, for a thousand of others, it’s the cure for any other pain. It’s the peace and the tranquility, the medicine, the suture. It’s the breath, the awaken. It’s the simple existence of who loves and who believes that beyond love, there’s nothing more necessary. Oh, what a virtue it is to feel!

What a virtue it is to believe in love! What a gift is to be a poet, even without words, that has the most beautiful poetry inside himself. Oh, what a virtue it is to feel what other can’t believe. What a gift it is to live for someone, and to have someone to live for you. What a beauty love is.

After all, if we are here, is for love.

If I write these lines, it’s for love. If you read them, it’s also for love. Things we do for our own will are because of love. Yes, we are here for love. And we’ll keep like this, as long as there are others to encourage us.

Best friend forever ♥
@ 06:51 | 0 comments

Dorathy Anne

So, this is Dorathy Anne a/p Joe Boy a.k.a JB/ Justin Bieber hahaha. She's a beliebers & a directioners. Omg, Just kill me. Lol. Well, She is my best friend forever and ever and ever and ever infinity and beyond. Teeheee. Her voice is amazing. She is an amazing singer in her choir and my school. We often perform together. Duet. Hahaha. 1 Dinamik and 2 Dinamik in SMK Seri Mutiara. Well, same class with me. She's extremely smart and expert in Mathematics and Science. Haha. She is my 'Guru' lols. We're extremely annoying and we're retarded all the time. Hahahaha. If there is Nattassha, then Dorathy is there too. The sad thing is, next year we're not in the same class................... It's breaks me </3

I still remember when I was in form 1 [1 Dinamik] I hated her a lot. I mean since I met her on orientasi SMK Seri Mutiara. I hated her a lot lot lot. Then suddenly, She got the same class with me, Ergh, kill me now. And she sat in front of me next to Chuah Wan Jing. Haihhhh. She can't stop talking :3 Feels like slapping her with dictionary from the back. Hahahaha I know, I'm so mean. Well, she hated me too. She said I'm so gedik and over and so tah pa pe. Hahahaha I can't fake it, I keeps jeling jeling her in class lol.

Idk how, when, what, why, I suddenly become her bff. We're laughing like crazy hulk when we thinking back how we can be bff. It's annoying power 100000000000000000000. Hahahaha. To be honest, she is the best friend ever. I mean like, she understands me so well. Haha, we often use signal messages. And she understands it so well,I mean very well. Duh, and no one ever understands us. We often gossip together about the hot guyssssssssss, lengzaii lengzaiii, hahaha and Haikal Jalil! lol.

Ahhhh, I love her forever. My retarded annoying silly dummie friend hahahaha. Mwahhhhhhhhhh :****** BFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF ~~~~~~~~

Wednesday, 12 December 2012 @ 05:04 | 0 comments

''People say, We shouldn't be together. Too young to know about forever, I say. They don't know what they talk talk talking about. Cause this love, is only getting stronger. I don't wanna wait any longer, I just wanna tell the world that you mine, boy'' 

Well, I am owned at 12 o'clock 12.12.12 by @HaikalJalil ♥ Hehehe He confessed to me. And to be honest, I've cried. Hahaha well yes. I'm a cry baby :p I'm so touched. Then he changed his Bbm status Owned at 12 o'clock 12/12/12 by Nattassha Shaheera. Aummm. Mama saw it. And mama was like cehhhwahhh.. Congratulations. Untunglah. Jaga your relationship elok-elok okay? Haha, And I was like. Oh, Insya Allah if we're meant to be together. 

I can't stop smiling since 12 o'clock. Hehe I'm mad. Hohoho, I can't even sleep on yesterday actually. I slept at 5 am. And woke up at 7 am. I'm crazy isn't it? Since Haikal Jalil is mine [cehhwahhh] hehe :p I'm insane. While I'm eating I can suddenly laugh or smile like an idiot. Well, it scares my family members. Haha they were just like, what happened to you? lol. Angau lah tu. and bla bla bla

I told my aunty about this thing. She was just like. Woah, untunglah. Congratulations and all that stuff.Then she said, she wanna see Haikal's images. I showed to her. Gahhh, she said something that makes me quite jealous, haha ' Haikal ni bapak handsome. Mancung gila hidung. Aummmm maksu punya! He's mine' Me- Langkah mayatku dulu' Hahahaha then we both laughed. So INDONESIA. Okay. Oh, I'm so mean. Sorry Indonesians.............. No hate x Peace x

Haikal said to me, he promise to take care of me as long as he still alive and so all. To be honest. I'm so so so so so so so so extremely touched. Just feels like hugging him. Oh no no no :p Hahahahaha. Non-mahrams. Lulz. Mama always remind me that 'Mind your own limits,Nattassh..' Hehe, okay. I remember that. Keep that in my mind ~.~ weeeeeee

I just hope that Haikal keeps his promises to me. I hate broken promises. I don't want to lose him. I need him. Just stay by my side, through upsides-down, together facing the world... ILoveYou, Muhammad Haikal bin Jalil. 

And you're mine and only mine. I promise to you that I will only love you, no other. You've stole my heart and I'm begging to you, please don't return it back to me. I don't want it. Keep it. And I know I've stole your heart too isn't it?, Hehe. I won't return you heart back. Mine. and only mine. But if in the future, you will find any other skinnier, prettier, taller, whiter, fairer, kinder, cuter, big eyes, big butts, haha or whatever, Just tell me. If that can make you happy,sayang. I'll let you go..... even though it's hard for me.. 

Inni uhibbuki fillah , Muhammad Haikal bin Jalil 

Saturday, 8 December 2012 @ 20:36 | 0 comments

Well, as you know, Haikal and me got so many differences. He's seventeen and me fourteen. Soon, he will go to university and ofcourse in university theres so many pretty girls , smart girls, rich girls or what ever.  Tbh, I'm so scared that soon, he's gonna leave me alone to face this cruel world. I need him. Idk why and how I feels so sad if he leave me. I'm in love with him. So so so in love. True,he promised me that he will love me with all his heart and only me. What if that all is only temporary? What if.........

Oh so sad. I can't even imagine, how my life would be if he leaves me. But, If Allah doesn't want us to be together, no matter how hard we try to be together, erm we're just not meant to be together.  But I believe him. He is not like my exes. I know he loves me. and he really do. I believe Haikal Jalil.

There is so many people makes me down about this. They said 'Haikal Jalil tu still sayang ex dia lah weh, Go die with your love stuff, Dia cuma main mainkan kau' Ah theres more. I just ignore them and I trust in Haikal. I know he wouldn't lie to me. Well, trust is important in relationship. Without trust, there is no relationship. Sometimes I'm really pissed off with those mulut puaka people. There just can't shut up their mouth and just mind their own business. They giving me heartache. I admit.

As conclusion, Just trust your heart. Trust Allah. Don't listen to what other people wanna say about you. Let them be. They didn't know anything about you. You're special and you deserve to be happy. Let them judge. We can't make their mouth shut. Well, society will never stop judging. Just be yourself. Only Allah, your family and your real friends know about you. And don't ever believe what other people say about your love one. They don't know anything about your relationship. Don't let because of one person creating a story about your boyfriend/girlfriend, You choose to break up with your partner. Don't do that, okay? :)

Trust is more than anything/ Remember, without trust, there is no relationship.

Wednesday, 5 December 2012 @ 16:29 | 0 comments

I'm just afraid to accept the fact that you will leave me soon. I'm afraid of losing you. You're my everything. I need you. I can't even smile when you're not right beside me. And I don't want to wake up in the morning realizing that you're not mine.

Well, yesterday, I had a conversation with my mom.

 Mama:Well, later your boyfriend will be a steward.
Me:Yes, Great isn't it,ma? 
Me:Why? *almost cry* 
Mama:Socialize. Sleep in the same place with stewardess and so on, thus, theres a lot of pretty girls there. 
Me:But he will just only love me right, ma? 
Mama:I can't promise that. He is a good-looking guy, thus rich thus sweet and so on, must be a lots of admirer and I bet he won't just only love you.. 
Me:He promise me. I know, not just know, I believe! he won't break it. He love me. 
Mama:Well, for now. Maybe soon, or later? This is only a puppylove. You're not going to marry him someday. Lagipun, he will never likes you in the future punyalah, Trust me.
Me: *cry* I love him.. I can't accept the fact that he will leave me one day... I don't want to lose him,ma. It's hurt. You know how it feels like//
Mama:Everyone is going to leave you soon. You just have to be strong and keep moving on. This is a cruel world. All the guy is the same. Sweet talker. Or maybe they just kind in the first place. Wait for another few years and so on. 
Me: Haikal is not like that. I know him. 
Mama:Up to you. Mama taknak cakap apapa. Lagipun later dia masuk U/College lagilah ramai girls yang ayu ayu semua. So, Prepare to get your heart, broken. Well, build a new walls and try to get your smile back. 
Me: *cry even harder* :'( Nooo. Ergh. Mama boleh tak jangan cakap macam tu? It breaks me!
Mama: Nak buat macam mana, Haikal tu bukannya sayang Tasha sangat pun, Tasha je SS. Please lah :3 
Me: I know. and Tasha takkan daat replace tempat ex dia. Dia sayang ex dia lagi..... Erm byelah mama, Tasha nak tidurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Penat :'(
Mama: Stop crying, you look ugly when you cry okay? I can't even see your mata. Sepet. 
Me: Not in the mood untuk gelak.

After that conversation, I'm so afraid of losing you :'( Please don't leave me, sayang? :(

Haikal Jalil ♥
Tuesday, 4 December 2012 @ 19:06 | 0 comments

Haikal Jalil

His name is Haikal. Go follow his Twitter (: Thanks xoxo.

So, I met this guy in Twitter actually. I never meet him face-to-face.  So, his name is Haikal Jalil. Staying in Alam Damai,Cheras,Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. His birthday date is 1/3/1995.

This is the man that makes me can't stop smiling, gigglings all the time, blushing, high, butterflies fluttering in my stomach. Hahaha. 'Angau' -
Well, We met in Twitter. I already know him a long time ago, actually. Because he's schooling in SMK Alam Damai. It's near at my house and I have so many friend schooling in SMK Alam Damai too. It's starts with a simple Tweet that I tweeted 'Sayang sayang sayang? Sayang sayang sayang. Sayang sayang sayang saaayaaang' Haha I guess like that. Can't remember. Then suddenly he RT manual and said 'Sayang .....' apa tah. Can't remember, (well dah tua) Lulz.

Then starts on that day, I'm starting to tweet with him most of all the time. He is the one who cares about me when my ex-boyfriend ignored me like crazy human being. My ex-boyfriend is not there when I need him and the one that always cheer me up, makes me happy, makes me laugh, makes me smile is Haikal Jalil, not my own boyfriend (ex-boyfriend) I felt bad. So bad. I'm sad and everyday I tells to Haikal about my pointless stupid love-story about me and my ex-boyfriend. But Haikal never get bored and sicked to hear my pointless dramatic stories.. He keeps okay, Cheer up. He's giving me a lots of advice. He convince me that there is a 'happiness' in this cruel world. He brings my smile back. He brings laughter in my life. He's my sunshine. I can't imagine my life without him. I need him. I just love him so much.

He knows how to make me smile when I'm not in the mood and I'm about to cry. He always cheer me up. Until that one day, I asked him whether I should just break up with my ex-boyfriend or just stay? Because he doesn't even cares about me and he ignores me about 4 days. Sometimes I'm his girlfriend. Sometimes I'm just his normal friend. Idk. So Haikal said, This is my life not his, If you thinks there is not point of staying with him, just break up. You deserves to be happy, Tasha. And I told him that my ex-boyfriend didn't even remember our first monthsary. Then Haikal said; Erm, Ni baru first monthsary belum lagi bermonth-monthsary. When I think it again, what's Haikal said to me is true. I can't stand all that pain anymore. Then I asked my ex-boyfriend to let me go.. Finally, I'm free.

The next day, I go to my ex-boyfriend Twitter profile, Well surprisingly,He got a new girlfriend. Hahaha I was laughing like damn. He dumped me. He lied to me. Broken promises. It's a wise decision to break up. Firstly, I can't move on because I still love my ex-boyfriend, but after I saw all his piglet tweets about me/well his new girlfriend talks like shit about me too. Sakit hati actually. Keep calm and keep smiling (:

I told Haikal about all this bullshit. Haikal said, He is not like my ex-boyfriend. He will love me with all his heart and when he fell in love, he fells hard. I can't believe my mom approved his BBpin and my mom follow his Instagram. Mama keeps saying that Haikal is handsome, sweet, ah whatever. hahaha. Restu lah tu :p Uhuks.

Haikal makes me feels special, needed, deserve to be happy and theres more. Please don't take my Haikal away from me. I know I don't deserve Haikal, cause he is a good good guy. While I'm a bad bad girl. Hmmm. I need him to complete the missing puzzle piece in me. I want to face this cruel world together with him. I want to travel around the world with him. I want to grow old with him. I want to kiss under the rain with him. I want to be his girl, forever, infinity and beyond. He is my prince charming. I can't imagine if he leave me here, alone. I'm afraid if he will find a skinnier, prettier, more kind girl than me. I'm afraid of losing him.. He's mine. And only mine.

You're my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy when clouds are grey, you'll never know dear, How much I love you, So please DON'T TAKE MY SUNSHINE AWAY.. 

Haikal Jalil, If you promise to be mine forever, I'll promise too that I'm yours forever. I'm all yours if you're all mine. I need you to complete me. You're my hopes. Don't give me a heartbreaks. Fix my broken-heart. Let's be cute together. I want you, just you. And Promise me, you'll stay even how hard the situations it can be. Through upsides-down. Together, till the end of time. ILoveYouSoMuch Haikal Jalil  ♥

@ 18:30 | 0 comments

I'm a mess.  A total mess because I'm in love with this man. I can never sleep nowadays. I can't sleep or think or breathe or eat and it's all because of him. He has got into my brain and my heart and there's nothing I can do about it. It's been a few weeks now and I'm trying to get used to it because I know I won't stop until he's mine.  or until  he doesn't want me and I'll have to make a desperate try moving forward. This man is different, and he is making me crazy. He is making me a mess, a total mess and I'll wait for him. Even if it will break me. ILoveYouSoMuch 

@ 16:49 | 0 comments

How many of us have the habit of comparing ourselves with models and actresses and then end up being depressed with the way we are? *signs*  I'm sure most of us are. It's not easy to ignore the slim, beautiful, airbrushed models in glamorous magazines looking stunning with flawless and beautiful skin, and it's certainly difficult to ignore comparing ourselves with them. But that's what we have to do. We have to ignore comparing ourselves with them because we're nothing like them.

We are Muslims, and as a Muslims, we know beauty isn't something that's just skin-deep; it's far more than that. And as a Muslims, we should be wise enough to understand that superficial beauty isn't our aim, neither is that what Allah looks for. Remember that Allah doesn't look at our beauty, skin colour of shape etc. . He only looks into our heart, Imaan and Taqwa. And that's what we should strive for. To beautify ourselves for our creator, Allah. Not the society. Okay, kawan kawan? (:

How many of us spend hours and hours moaning about our skin and our shape? How many of us mourn about our arms being too fat while obviously remaining ignorant and ungrateful for to the fact that Alhamdulillah, we have arms. How many of us thank Allah for our arms, however fat they may be, because it has helped us in innumerable ways. Just because we hate it doesn’t mean we can do without it. 

Then again, our feet. How many of us mourn about our fat and short feet while not realizing that it’s the same feet with which we walk, stand up in prayer to Allah and fall down in Sujud to Him. Are we as grateful for whatever we have as much as we mourn about it? How many of us hate the way we look, the way our mouths are positioned, the way our noses are stubbed, the way our eyes are, the acne we have on our skin, etc, etc, etc. While we are mourning, and even hating ourselves for the way we look, have we ever given a moment of thought to appreciating what we have and saying Alhamdulillah for it?

Allah is beautiful and loves beauty. So should we, but we shouldn’t get obsessed with it. I know of many people who have gone under severe depression just thinking about the few pounds they’ve gained, a few pimples on the faces, etc. In extreme cases, it has even lead to suicide! That’s the fact. It’s all the pressure of the media and the world, where they project the image of the ‘rich and beautiful’ making it seem as though others have absolutely nothing in this world. And it’s sad that the teens of today are falling headlong into that trap.

It’s more disappointing to see Muslims falling into this trap when we know that our beauty is only a test from Allah and that our beauty isn’t going to get us anywhere. Only our Imaan and Taqwa will. Beautify your heart and that will naturally reflect on your face. And that kind of beauty is the real beauty. Not the fake beauty plastered on magazines and ads with tons and tons of makeup and enhancements.

We are what we are, and we should be proud of that! And while we are at it, recite this Doa, one our Prophet Muhammad SAW recited regularly, particularly when looking into the mirror:

اللَّهُمَّ أَنْتَ حَسَّنْتَ خَلْقِي فَحَسِّنْ خُلُقِي
Allahumma anta hasanta khalqi fahassin khuluqi

"O Allah, just as you have made my external features beautiful, make my character beautiful as well"

What stops you ?
@ 07:13 | 0 comments

Well, a few years ago, you'd find almost every Muslim woman with the Hijab,but now, most women make excuses for not wearing the Hijab.Fast foward another a few years who knows if we'd find as many Hijabis as we find now, may Allah save us.


Lately, I’ve come across quite a lot of pages online saying the Hijab isn’t obligatory in Islam. I don’t know how they can even manage to say something like that when the Hijab is ordered explicitly in the Quran in Surah Al-Ahzab and Surah Noor.

“And say to the believing women that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty; That they should not display their beauty and ornaments except what is apparent of it and that they should draw their veils over their bosoms.” (Surah Noor 24:31)
‘O Prophet! Tell your wives and your daughters and the women of the believers to draw their cloaks ("Jalabib") veils all over their bodies that is most convenient that they should be known (as such) and not molested: and Allah is Oft-Forgiving Most Merciful." (Surah Al-Ahzaab: 59) 

If a woman calls herself a Muslim, it means that she’s convinced that Islam is the truth. If she is convinced that Islam is the truth, how can she not be convinced of the orders and laws in Islam? Now, seeing as the Hijab is an order in Islam ordained by Allah and revealed in the Quran, how can she not follow an order of Allah? A true Muslim woman will be in her Hijab wherever she is and she’ll never make excuses for not wearing it.


The Messenger of Allah (sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) said “There is no obedience to the creation in the disobedience of Allah”. [Ahmed]

How can you obey your parents while disobeying Allah, who created your parents in the first place? You have to obey your parents-yes- but you can disobey them when they make you disobey Allah. Allah has said in the Quran : “But if they strive with you to make you join in worship with Me others that of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not.” [Sura Luqmaan 31:15]


If you go out, you have to be in your Hijab. There are no “but”s, there are no “if”s. If you think that wearing the Hijab is going to stop you from finding work, remember this is nothing but the whispers of Shaytan. There are some companies that do not allow the Hijab, but even if there are 10 such companies there surely should be at least 1 company that allow you to wear the Hijab, right?

If your workplace doesn’t permit the Hijab, find another job. Remember that you sacrificed your job for Allah so He will look into helping you. Allah says in the Quran“And whoever fears Allah and keeps his duty to Him, He will make a way for him to get out (from every difficulty) and He will provide him from sources he never could imagine” [Sura At-Talaaq 65:2-3]. 
Subhanallah, isn’t this not a big enough guarantee for you? What do you think is bigger: this excuse for not wearing the Hijab or Allah’s promise in the Quran? Think for yourself.


When Angel of death comes, he doesn’t send a postcard. You never know if you’ll be alive tomorrow, so how can you say you’ll wear the Hijab when you’re older? Sisters, don’t wait for your funeral shroud to be the first time you wear the Hijab. Wear the Hijab now- you know it an obligation- and every moment you’re out without it, you’re earning for yourself the wrath of Allah. Is it worth it?


Yes it is- maybe sometimes, but certainly not always. And remember, Hell is way hotter.
“Say: The Fire of Hell is more intense in heat if they only understand” [Sura At-Taubah 9:81] 

The heat of this world is nothing in comparison to the heat of the Fire. Are you ready to face the heat of this world or the heat of Jahannam? The Sahaba women managed to cover themselves completely, from head to toe, and that was in the desert. Subhanallah! How hot can the desert sun be? And here we are, making excuses for not wearing the Hijab just because we’d have to endure a little bit of heat for a short time. Is it even justifiable?


Firstly, the Hijab doesn’t hide your beauty. It only makes you a lot more beautiful. You know who the most beautiful woman is? She’s the one who covers herself for the sake of Allah and when you cover for the sake of Allah, that in itself, makes you a thousand times more beautiful!

Secondly, who gave you your beauty? Isn’t it a blessing from Allah? And what kind of gratitude are you showing to Allah for having blessed you with beauty when you disobey His order of the Hijab? If Allah has given you beauty, the best way of thanking Him for it is by doing what He has asked you to. 


Sisters, there’s absolutely nothing to be ‘ready’ for. Hijab is ordered in the Quran, and if you’re waiting until you’re ready to wear it, that time might never come. And is this the excuse you’re going to give Allah on the Day of Judgement when He asks you what stopped you from wearing the Hijab? Think about it.


If a man is unwilling to marry you for the simple reason that you wear the Hijab, know that that man isn’t worth marrying in the first place. Are you willing to marry a man who doesn’t want to follow the commands of Allah? A real man and a real husband would obviously want his wife to be covered in the Hijab. Don’t sacrifice your Deen for a man. And just a small note: there are plenty of men out there who are more than willing to marry a girl with the Hijab. Don’t take your hijab off just because the one you’re going to marry doesn’t want you to wear it. Again, there is absolutely no obedience to the creation in the disobedience of Allah.


Why should you feel weird by obeying Allah? You should only feel weird when youdisobey Allah!

"Islam started as something strange and it would revert to its (old position) of being strange. So good tidings for the strangers. 
(Sahih Muslim, Book 1 : Hadith 270)

Sisters, there’s nothing to feel weird about with the Hijab. Remember that the Hijab is a beautiful gift for you from Allah. It helps you guard your modesty, your chastity, upholds your dignity, defines your femininity, demands respect for your womanhood and gives you a sense of liberation and security no other piece of clothing can offer. How can you feel weird when you’re wearing the most amazing dress?


So be it. Let people call you whatever they want. Remember that you’re doing this for Allah, not for people so don’t make the opinions of people matter. Only the opinion of Allah does. Hold tight to the rope of Allah and obey His commands- and don’t worry a bit about what people say! Let them say all they want. You’re doing what Allah has asked you to do, so stand tall and strong! You’re a Muslim woman!!!

*           *          * 

Dear sisters, remember that no excuse comes even close to justifying your reasons for not wearing the Hijab. As a Muslimah, you're way too precious to be on display for every single man to see. All the fashionable dresses, all the glamourous make-up and jewelry and all the flashy hairstyles will please people- not Allah. And do you think it’s worth pleasing people at the cost of displeasing Allah, your Creator?

Finally, remember that the Hijab is a lot more than just a headscarf. Hijab is a way of life and it should be with you wherever you go. Wear the perfect Hijab, please Allah and give us all Muslims a reason to hold our heads high! Now go show the world that you are a Hijabi!

Monday, 3 December 2012 @ 16:32 | 0 comments

Nattassha Shaheera binti Rosli Zulkiflee. Well, that is my name. Given by my late dad & my mom. Once I asked my mom, why my name is like this. I don't like it. I want in my name have 'Putri' / 'Putery' or what ever. As long as got Puteri. Then my mom said actually they want to give me a name like this 'Putri Nattassha Shaheera' well, it was my late dad suggestion. Then my mom suddenly said better we only just put as 'Nattassha Shaheera' cause my mom likes 'Shaheera' and my late dad really likes 'Puteri' but .... erm, 'mengalah dengan bini kan' haha. So, this is me. Nattassha Shaheera, haha.

To be honest, sometimes I hate being myself. Theres one voice in my head that says 'You're not good enough;You're ugly;You're stupid' Yes, I hate that voice. Sometimes I feels like killing myself. Cause I feels like there is no 'happiness' in this world anymore since my late dad left me alone and I have to face this cruel world alone. It's been a tough years since my late dad left me and my mom. Our life changed. I've changed. My mom changed. All people changed. Not the same anymore.

Back when I was in form 1 (last year) haha, I don't like this light-pink colour stuff. I don't care what the things is, if it's light-pink, I'll hate it. But not now. Most of my stuff is light-pink colour e.g. Guitar, Bag, High heels. ahh theres more. hehe :p So girly. And seriously. I HATE HARDCORE SONGS. But now. I'm addicted to those songs. My mom said Screamo , metal-core, post-hardcore, death-core what ever, is sucks. Cause they're just screaming and screaming and screaaaaaming~ Ahhhh. only the persons that like hardcore would understands how I feels.

Now, I'm keeping my distance with every single person that I met in my life. I don't want to get attached. I don't want my heart breaks about 123456788908166336263263288982198291821 > times. Enough for the heartbreaks. I hope my new man can makes me forget that I've been lied on, stabbed by, dumped by. I want my new man makes me believe that, theres still have happiness in this cruel world. Makes me smile again. Not the fake one, The real smiles. I hope that man stay by my sides through upside-down , no matter how hard the situations is, he will stay. I don't want it to be broken promises. I need my man to complete me. And I'll love him more than anything.

A way to love myself
@ 05:03 | 0 comments

It’s so hard, sometimes, to accept myself. Me with all my, probably imagined, imperfections. I can have a one-second look in the mirror and go out, go dancing and enjoy the night. But I can also stare, searching for something bad on myself. I’m not developed to who I’m gonna be yet. My style and personality are changing everyday. Every morning I decide who I want to be that day.

I care too much about others opinions. Skinny girls, who are afraid to stand out, dominate my class. I’m not really an outsider, but I am not one of them either. Not that I want to, oh I confuse myself so much, why do I even care about their opinions? See, that’s how it works in my head. I now I’m not some random girl without brains, I do care about things, I want to learn, want to know more and I want to develop myself.

Right now, everything is changing. My friends have fight, others get a boyfriend and one of them even forget about me because of him. I’m getting to know new people. I’m discovering that old, not-so-good friends are really nice.Everything is changing each single day. The happenings teach me, guide me and try to help me with my quest. I’m following a bendy road, filled with holes. Trying to find a way to love myself. And I’m on my way now. I’m on my way.

I figured out you and me
@ 04:55 | 0 comments

I figured it out. I figured out our relationship. We are the happiest together when we are apart. Together we are detrimental to one another. It took me some time to get here and I don't know how I did it but I figured out you and me.

It goes to the basics. You and I are motivated by one thing in life. You and I both live for our dreams and passions. We have strong urge to follow what is in our minds and devote ourselves to what we believe in. Our passions make us who we are no matter how pointless or silly they may be.

When we met each other out universes collided. The attraction, the powerlessness, the paralysis, the desire, the pain, the lust, the need was there yet it was hopelessly unworkable. To pursue that desire would translate to giving up part of our devotion to what we do in real life. The harder we would try to pursue one another the more we would get lost and disappointed in each other and in ourselves. Each one of us would hate to see the other give up the devotion to what we do because one would know how much the one valued it. We loved watching each other succeed yet the more we would succeed the more we would get separated from each other...

You were strong I was weak. You made me feel completely weak... The more we would try to fit in and try to get together, the more each one of us would get disappointed and sad that the other one wasn't real. And it drove us to insanity, to bully each other, to close up, to lose sight of reality and we were disintegrating as people. The environments we grew up in planted different dreams in us and we were deeply devoted to them.

To see you with someone who makes you happy and would put a smile on your face and you fulfilling your dreams would give me a sense of unbearable lightness. I was never big enough to fill your shoes and may be your were just too big to fit into mine, but your happiness is key to mine.

To be free of you
@ 04:48 | 0 comments

I can't quite remember your face anymore. But the mention of your name would still conjure up a feeling I can't quite express.To be honest, I did once think that you could be the one. But you certainly didn't mean it when you said you loved me. 

Frankly, I don't feel for you anymore. I don't love you. I've moved on and am happy with my man. Yet, I still need an outlet to let my feelings go. I need to tell the world what I could not do anywhere else. I need to let go of a secret that has tied me to you. I don't need sympathy, I just don't want to keep quiet anymore. I want to be free of this burden. I want to be free of you. 

Now, I'm happy with my man. He loves me just the way I am. His name is Haikal Jalil. He makes me believe that love is not a broken-heart thingy. He cares about me. He's there when I need him the most, well not like you. I saw your tweets and bio on Twitter. Seems like you had your new gf. Congratulations then. I hope you guys will be together till the end of time (: I'm happy for you too. 

Muhammad Haikal bin Jalil ♥
"I love him forever "