Lately I've been depressed and stressed. I fake a smile everyday and every moment. To be honest, I didn't even feels happy.. I know one day we will not be together anymore. I know that day will come. I hate my feelings now. There is nothing that I can do.



I know you were bored.
I know you were sicked.
I know you can't take it anymore.

All this is my faults.
All this is because of me.
All things that happened is because of me.

Please don't be sad.
Don't even sad..
Beg you..
I'll be a faithful girlfriend.

I'm scared that you will leave me.
I'm scared that one day you will lost.
I'm scared that you getting hurt/sick.

I want you to be with me always be there at my side.
For forever..





I never believed in love. I was deceived by love. I never had much luck with lovers before.. And I couldn't compete, I seemed just part of the street. To be walked on by everyone, but then...

I found a very special love in you. It's a feeling that's totally new. Over and over it's burning inside. And it almost breaks me in two, squeezing me tighter. But I'm never gonna let go. I know you're one of the best. You give more than you should, then take nothing in return.

Stay always with me. And I always will be The one person that you can count on always to love you..


I cried a tear, you wiped it dry. I was confused, you cleared my mind. I sold my soul, you bought it back for me. And held me up and gave me dignity. Somehow you needed me. You gave me strength to stand alone again.

To face the world out on my own again. You needed me. And I can't believe it's you. I can't believe it's true. I needed you and you were there. And I'll never leave, why should I leave? I'd be a fool. Cause I finally found someone who really cares.

You held my hand when it was cold. When I was lost, you took me home. You gave me hope when I was at the end. And turned back my lies to truth again. You trying to find time for me. Just for me.. I appreciate it a lot.

You're mine forever.


I only live to love you. Love you until forever. Day after day, Month after month, Year after year, For always. We will journey together. I only live to love you. Walk with my dreams beside you.

Smile after smile, Tear after tear, Laugh after laugh, In shadow or in sunshine. My love will guide you. When there are clouds above. If I have you to love, Why do I care, When you are there.

For when you you came my way, there was no yesterday. Only tomorrow with you, there. Here is my hand to lead you. Here are my arms that need you. I only live for your love, Haikal. For my love will be your love now and forever infinity and beyond.


*sigh* I feels like completely hopeless shit ever...........................

Haikal got heart's problems.. and it is really a heartbreaking moments when he told me that.
When he is sick, I can't do nothing. Nothing... Nothing that I can do. And yes, to be honest, It makes me cry. I can't stand seeing he is hurting or what. I've made him cried. Yea, because I ignored his IM. I am just so mean. Meanest.

I just want to make him happy and forgets all his problems. But cannot.... I'm so sad right now. I'm not there to catch the tears falling. I'm not there when he is not feeling well. I'm not there when he needs me the most. I'm not there when he's feeling down. I'm not even there when he callings me...

What type of girlfriend am I? I shouldn't supposed to be into a relationship. Because my partner will get is Hurt. I don't want Haikal to get hurt by me. His own girlfriend.. </3 I'm totally broken now. Into pieces.
Haikal treats me so well. He is such an amazing guy. His love, his caringness, everything. He makes me feels good. He makes me happy. But me?.....

I just hope that he will never get bored with me. Because I know, I'm such a lamoss. Such a boring person ever in this entire universe. I need him :( But if one day, he finds his true soul-mate, I'll let he go. Even though it's killing me to see him with other girl.

Haikal's happiness is everything to me.


I like your smile. I like your vibe. I like your style. But, that't not why I love you. And I, I like the way, you're such a star. But, that's not why I love you. Do you feel me? Do you feel what I feel too. Do you need me? You're so beautiful. But that's not why I love you. I'm not sure you know. That the reason I love you, is you being You.

Just you.

Yes, the reason I love you is all that we've been through and that's why I love you. I like the way, you misbehaved. But that's not why I love you. And how you keep your cool when I am complicated. But that's not why I love you.

I like the way you stare at me. I like the way you get your hair in the place. I like the way you sit down. I like the way you making me stare. I like all the things that you do. Your eyes is the most beautiful. Your nose is the well-formed. Gahhh, I like the everything that yours.








Are you trying to heal a broken heart, operating in the dark. Let me be the light you need to get there.. I know one day the end will come. I am scared cause you're the one. Don't you know my love ain't going no where. Cause it ends with you. Haikal, it all ends with you.

It started with the 'I' then the 'L',  'O-V-E' came over me, and it ends with YOU. This love story ends with you. I know that she's been on your mind. Moving on it takes some time. Don't try to make it right if it's wrong. If you open your heart to me, you see them real, 1-4-3. Until then, I'ma write you this love song.

Cause it ends with you. It all ends with you. This love story ends with....... You. You could take your time. But you can never waste mine. I go through the most stress, all week cause I know when it's all said and done. It ends with You ♥





Oh, I admit. I'm not good in persuade a person or what ever. If that person sulk with me, I'll just be sorry,don't be mad. Urgh, I hate myself a lot. And that really breaks me. Today is the so not best day ever. Everyone is not in the mood. Moody all the time. I hate when someone using a high voices towards me. I'm an easily touched person.


Why can't I be happy just for once? Atleast for a second or a few minutes? Why must have heartbrokes in this world? Why must have backstabbers? Why must have heartbreakers? Why must have thieves? Why must have bad peoples? Seriously, I'm tired with all the bullshits that some people bring to my life. Sometimes, I feels like running away from this world..... I feels like I want to quit from this life. I'm done. I'm too tired. But mama said, I'm still young. There is happiness. Maybe not now. Eventually it will be, better.


Well, I hope that's true......


So today, I just made Haikal's mad or sad or idk how he felt. He said I gave too much excuses. I didn't even mean to gave too much excuses. Well, If it is my faults, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to give too much excuses.. Seriously, I didn't mean to. I don't want to make you feels upset or what...... Never. But I just did. And I feels so bad. I'm a bad person. I felt really bad..


Maybe I can't have a partner? Maybe I was not meant to be in a relationship? Maybe I was not a good person? Maybe I was created for being alone? Maybe...............? Who knows? That's why I'm scared to accept Haikal's love. Because I know, I can never makes my partner happy. Maybe he happy at the first time, then later he will be sad? I'm so useless.....


I feels like crying now. Idk why I like this......... Hopeless. Careless. Useless. What else? There is nothing that good about me. I'm a mean person. I'm not a good friend. Sometimes, I feels like killing myself,well ofcourse it's a sin. I don't wanna to get into hellfire. I'm scared. Ya Allah ):


I should be alone to prevent other people's heart to be broken by me. I don't want to attach to any other people anymore. Enough. There is so many, I mean too many  people's heart that I've broke. It breaks me too. I didn't even mean to break their hearts. It just happens. I'm a disaster haihhhhhh. But I'm very sure Allah creates me for something else. I just want to make other people around me happy, but cannot. People who knows me will be sad............ Ah this makes me cry... haha. I'm not meant to plays this part.

I will never pass for a perfect daughter, Can it be, I'm not meant to play this part? Now I see that if I truly to be myself I would break my family's heart. Who is that girl I see, Staring straight back at me, Why is my reflection someone I don't know? Somehow, I cannot hide. Who I am. Though I've tried. When will my reflection show who I am inside?... :'(

We are here for love.

Nobody knows how a love starts or how it moves on or even when it ends. It just appears, grows and ends. Like us, mortals. One way or another, it ends, not always literally saying, but at some moment it loses part of  the meaning it used to have.

And for those that disagree, please maintain your ideas and believe in them. I don’t doubt of that or deny it, but I have my own opinions, that are not the most absolute truth, but my own absolute truth.

Anyway, you and I know that endless or not, love is the most unbelievable thing in human existence.

The “to love” and “to be love”, that’s what I’m talking about.

The fact that among billions of people in the world, two of them look at each other as if they were unique. That among billions of people, you just want one person that wants you back. That it exists something so much stronger than anything, that is capable of destroy and raise whole universes. And that thing is inside people.

So superior that it doesn’t make difference between color, belief or any other social fiction. It’s love. For anyone in any place, it’s love, as much as for him or her. Love. Love for anyone. Love from poets, from musicians. From movies and theater. Love, always love. From every places, it comes, it grows and it ends.

Anywhere, it breaks and cures hearts. It happens or is moved on. A problem and a solution, all around the world, for all of us.

It is not a little thing, and it’s not for cheap sentimentalism that some stupid words try to describe it, for centuries we have been talking about. For centuries it is the favorite theme in poetry. Love, as it is, always love. Centuries and centuries later and no one gets tired of talking about it, or even hearing about it. Centuries and centuries later and the ladies are still crying, and the gentlemen still fighting.

Centuries and centuries later and they still Kiss each other in the end of the story. Centuries, centuries and centuries later and the idea never changes. But who said it has to be changed? We want it like this, we will cry at the end, it is not a matter of time. Love is timeless, and will always be the center of attentions.

Just because love is strong. More than just “strong”, it’s indestructible.

When a love is real, it is indestructible. And there are some people that don’t believe it, is that possible? There are people that despise its value. I object! It is from all the treasures, all the wealth, all the beauty and all it's worth in this world, because all of those things, by themselves, are nothing but accessories. They clearly serve for a lot of things, they can bring an human being to life, but none of those things make the world to care about itself.

Love makes us suffer. Nothing in the world brings so much pain as love. It can be tough, cruel. It can tear us apart. It can be the biggest villain of a story. It can be the purest and the hardest pain ever.

But still, it’s love.

And if by one side it makes you suffer, for a thousand of others, it’s the cure for any other pain. It’s the peace and the tranquility, the medicine, the suture. It’s the breath, the awaken. It’s the simple existence of who loves and who believes that beyond love, there’s nothing more necessary. Oh, what a virtue it is to feel!

What a virtue it is to believe in love! What a gift is to be a poet, even without words, that has the most beautiful poetry inside himself. Oh, what a virtue it is to feel what other can’t believe. What a gift it is to live for someone, and to have someone to live for you. What a beauty love is.

After all, if we are here, is for love.

If I write these lines, it’s for love. If you read them, it’s also for love. Things we do for our own will are because of love. Yes, we are here for love. And we’ll keep like this, as long as there are others to encourage us.

Dorathy Anne

*12.12.12* 

''People say, We shouldn't be together. Too young to know about forever, I say. They don't know what they talk talk talking about. Cause this love, is only getting stronger. I don't wanna wait any longer, I just wanna tell the world that you mine, boy'' 

Well, I am owned at 12 o'clock 12.12.12 by @HaikalJalil ♥ Hehehe He confessed to me. And to be honest, I've cried. Hahaha well yes. I'm a cry baby :p I'm so touched. Then he changed his Bbm status Owned at 12 o'clock 12/12/12 by Nattassha Shaheera. Aummm. Mama saw it. And mama was like cehhhwahhh.. Congratulations. Untunglah. Jaga your relationship elok-elok okay? Haha, And I was like. Oh, Insya Allah if we're meant to be together. 

I can't stop smiling since 12 o'clock. Hehe I'm mad. Hohoho, I can't even sleep on yesterday actually. I slept at 5 am. And woke up at 7 am. I'm crazy isn't it? Since Haikal Jalil is mine [cehhwahhh] hehe :p I'm insane. While I'm eating I can suddenly laugh or smile like an idiot. Well, it scares my family members. Haha they were just like, what happened to you? lol. Angau lah tu. and bla bla bla

I told my aunty about this thing. She was just like. Woah, untunglah. Congratulations and all that stuff.Then she said, she wanna see Haikal's images. I showed to her. Gahhh, she said something that makes me quite jealous, haha ' Haikal ni bapak handsome. Mancung gila hidung. Aummmm maksu punya! He's mine' Me- Langkah mayatku dulu' Hahahaha then we both laughed. So INDONESIA. Okay. Oh, I'm so mean. Sorry Indonesians.............. No hate x Peace x

Haikal said to me, he promise to take care of me as long as he still alive and so all. To be honest. I'm so so so so so so so so extremely touched. Just feels like hugging him. Oh no no no :p Hahahahaha. Non-mahrams. Lulz. Mama always remind me that 'Mind your own limits,Nattassh..' Hehe, okay. I remember that. Keep that in my mind ~.~ weeeeeee

I just hope that Haikal keeps his promises to me. I hate broken promises. I don't want to lose him. I need him. Just stay by my side, through upsides-down, together facing the world... ILoveYou, Muhammad Haikal bin Jalil. 

And you're mine and only mine. I promise to you that I will only love you, no other. You've stole my heart and I'm begging to you, please don't return it back to me. I don't want it. Keep it. And I know I've stole your heart too isn't it?, Hehe. I won't return you heart back. Mine. and only mine. But if in the future, you will find any other skinnier, prettier, taller, whiter, fairer, kinder, cuter, big eyes, big butts, haha or whatever, Just tell me. If that can make you happy,sayang. I'll let you go..... even though it's hard for me.. 

Inni uhibbuki fillah , Muhammad Haikal bin Jalil 







Well, as you know, Haikal and me got so many differences. He's seventeen and me fourteen. Soon, he will go to university and ofcourse in university theres so many pretty girls , smart girls, rich girls or what ever.  Tbh, I'm so scared that soon, he's gonna leave me alone to face this cruel world. I need him. Idk why and how I feels so sad if he leave me. I'm in love with him. So so so in love. True,he promised me that he will love me with all his heart and only me. What if that all is only temporary? What if.........

Oh so sad. I can't even imagine, how my life would be if he leaves me. But, If Allah doesn't want us to be together, no matter how hard we try to be together, erm we're just not meant to be together.  But I believe him. He is not like my exes. I know he loves me. and he really do. I believe Haikal Jalil.

There is so many people makes me down about this. They said 'Haikal Jalil tu still sayang ex dia lah weh, Go die with your love stuff, Dia cuma main mainkan kau' Ah theres more. I just ignore them and I trust in Haikal. I know he wouldn't lie to me. Well, trust is important in relationship. Without trust, there is no relationship. Sometimes I'm really pissed off with those mulut puaka people. There just can't shut up their mouth and just mind their own business. They giving me heartache. I admit.

As conclusion, Just trust your heart. Trust Allah. Don't listen to what other people wanna say about you. Let them be. They didn't know anything about you. You're special and you deserve to be happy. Let them judge. We can't make their mouth shut. Well, society will never stop judging. Just be yourself. Only Allah, your family and your real friends know about you. And don't ever believe what other people say about your love one. They don't know anything about your relationship. Don't let because of one person creating a story about your boyfriend/girlfriend, You choose to break up with your partner. Don't do that, okay? :)

Trust is more than anything/ Remember, without trust, there is no relationship.

I'm just afraid to accept the fact that you will leave me soon. I'm afraid of losing you. You're my everything. I need you. I can't even smile when you're not right beside me. And I don't want to wake up in the morning realizing that you're not mine.

Well, yesterday, I had a conversation with my mom.

 Mama:Well, later your boyfriend will be a steward.
Me:Yes, Great isn't it,ma? 
Mama:Habislah... 
Me:Why? *almost cry* 
Mama:Socialize. Sleep in the same place with stewardess and so on, thus, theres a lot of pretty girls there. 
Me:But he will just only love me right, ma? 
Mama:I can't promise that. He is a good-looking guy, thus rich thus sweet and so on, must be a lots of admirer and I bet he won't just only love you.. 
Me:He promise me. I know, not just know, I believe! he won't break it. He love me. 
Mama:Well, for now. Maybe soon, or later? This is only a puppylove. You're not going to marry him someday. Lagipun, he will never likes you in the future punyalah, Trust me.
Me: *cry* I love him.. I can't accept the fact that he will leave me one day... I don't want to lose him,ma. It's hurt. You know how it feels like//
Mama:Everyone is going to leave you soon. You just have to be strong and keep moving on. This is a cruel world. All the guy is the same. Sweet talker. Or maybe they just kind in the first place. Wait for another few years and so on. 
Me: Haikal is not like that. I know him. 
Mama:Up to you. Mama taknak cakap apapa. Lagipun later dia masuk U/College lagilah ramai girls yang ayu ayu semua. So, Prepare to get your heart, broken. Well, build a new walls and try to get your smile back. 
Me: *cry even harder* :'( Nooo. Ergh. Mama boleh tak jangan cakap macam tu? It breaks me!
Mama: Nak buat macam mana, Haikal tu bukannya sayang Tasha sangat pun, Tasha je SS. Please lah :3 
Me: I know. and Tasha takkan daat replace tempat ex dia. Dia sayang ex dia lagi..... Erm byelah mama, Tasha nak tidurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Penat :'(
Mama: Stop crying, you look ugly when you cry okay? I can't even see your mata. Sepet. 
Me: Not in the mood untuk gelak.

After that conversation, I'm so afraid of losing you :'( Please don't leave me, sayang? :(

Haikal Jalil

His name is Haikal. Go follow his Twitter (: Thanks xoxo.

So, I met this guy in Twitter actually. I never meet him face-to-face.  So, his name is Haikal Jalil. Staying in Alam Damai,Cheras,Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. His birthday date is 1/3/1995.

This is the man that makes me can't stop smiling, gigglings all the time, blushing, high, butterflies fluttering in my stomach. Hahaha. 'Angau' -
Well, We met in Twitter. I already know him a long time ago, actually. Because he's schooling in SMK Alam Damai. It's near at my house and I have so many friend schooling in SMK Alam Damai too. It's starts with a simple Tweet that I tweeted 'Sayang sayang sayang? Sayang sayang sayang. Sayang sayang sayang saaayaaang' Haha I guess like that. Can't remember. Then suddenly he RT manual and said 'Sayang .....' apa tah. Can't remember, (well dah tua) Lulz.

Then starts on that day, I'm starting to tweet with him most of all the time. He is the one who cares about me when my ex-boyfriend ignored me like crazy human being. My ex-boyfriend is not there when I need him and the one that always cheer me up, makes me happy, makes me laugh, makes me smile is Haikal Jalil, not my own boyfriend (ex-boyfriend) I felt bad. So bad. I'm sad and everyday I tells to Haikal about my pointless stupid love-story about me and my ex-boyfriend. But Haikal never get bored and sicked to hear my pointless dramatic stories.. He keeps okay, Cheer up. He's giving me a lots of advice. He convince me that there is a 'happiness' in this cruel world. He brings my smile back. He brings laughter in my life. He's my sunshine. I can't imagine my life without him. I need him. I just love him so much.

He knows how to make me smile when I'm not in the mood and I'm about to cry. He always cheer me up. Until that one day, I asked him whether I should just break up with my ex-boyfriend or just stay? Because he doesn't even cares about me and he ignores me about 4 days. Sometimes I'm his girlfriend. Sometimes I'm just his normal friend. Idk. So Haikal said, This is my life not his, If you thinks there is not point of staying with him, just break up. You deserves to be happy, Tasha. And I told him that my ex-boyfriend didn't even remember our first monthsary. Then Haikal said; Erm, Ni baru first monthsary belum lagi bermonth-monthsary. When I think it again, what's Haikal said to me is true. I can't stand all that pain anymore. Then I asked my ex-boyfriend to let me go.. Finally, I'm free.

The next day, I go to my ex-boyfriend Twitter profile, Well surprisingly,He got a new girlfriend. Hahaha I was laughing like damn. He dumped me. He lied to me. Broken promises. It's a wise decision to break up. Firstly, I can't move on because I still love my ex-boyfriend, but after I saw all his piglet tweets about me/well his new girlfriend talks like shit about me too. Sakit hati actually. Keep calm and keep smiling (:

I told Haikal about all this bullshit. Haikal said, He is not like my ex-boyfriend. He will love me with all his heart and when he fell in love, he fells hard. I can't believe my mom approved his BBpin and my mom follow his Instagram. Mama keeps saying that Haikal is handsome, sweet, ah whatever. hahaha. Restu lah tu :p Uhuks.

Haikal makes me feels special, needed, deserve to be happy and theres more. Please don't take my Haikal away from me. I know I don't deserve Haikal, cause he is a good good guy. While I'm a bad bad girl. Hmmm. I need him to complete the missing puzzle piece in me. I want to face this cruel world together with him. I want to travel around the world with him. I want to grow old with him. I want to kiss under the rain with him. I want to be his girl, forever, infinity and beyond. He is my prince charming. I can't imagine if he leave me here, alone. I'm afraid if he will find a skinnier, prettier, more kind girl than me. I'm afraid of losing him.. He's mine. And only mine.

You're my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy when clouds are grey, you'll never know dear, How much I love you, So please DON'T TAKE MY SUNSHINE AWAY.. 

Haikal Jalil, If you promise to be mine forever, I'll promise too that I'm yours forever. I'm all yours if you're all mine. I need you to complete me. You're my hopes. Don't give me a heartbreaks. Fix my broken-heart. Let's be cute together. I want you, just you. And Promise me, you'll stay even how hard the situations it can be. Through upsides-down. Together, till the end of time. ILoveYouSoMuch Haikal Jalil  ♥


I'm a mess.  A total mess because I'm in love with this man. I can never sleep nowadays. I can't sleep or think or breathe or eat and it's all because of him. He has got into my brain and my heart and there's nothing I can do about it. It's been a few weeks now and I'm trying to get used to it because I know I won't stop until he's mine.  or until  he doesn't want me and I'll have to make a desperate try moving forward. This man is different, and he is making me crazy. He is making me a mess, a total mess and I'll wait for him. Even if it will break me. ILoveYouSoMuch ♥


How many of us have the habit of comparing ourselves with models and actresses and then end up being depressed with the way we are? *signs*  I'm sure most of us are. It's not easy to ignore the slim, beautiful, airbrushed models in glamorous magazines looking stunning with flawless and beautiful skin, and it's certainly difficult to ignore comparing ourselves with them. But that's what we have to do. We have to ignore comparing ourselves with them because we're nothing like them.

We are Muslims, and as a Muslims, we know beauty isn't something that's just skin-deep; it's far more than that. And as a Muslims, we should be wise enough to understand that superficial beauty isn't our aim, neither is that what Allah looks for. Remember that Allah doesn't look at our beauty, skin colour of shape etc. . He only looks into our heart, Imaan and Taqwa. And that's what we should strive for. To beautify ourselves for our creator, Allah. Not the society. Okay, kawan kawan? (:

How many of us spend hours and hours moaning about our skin and our shape? How many of us mourn about our arms being too fat while obviously remaining ignorant and ungrateful for to the fact that Alhamdulillah, we have arms. How many of us thank Allah for our arms, however fat they may be, because it has helped us in innumerable ways. Just because we hate it doesn’t mean we can do without it. 

Then again, our feet. How many of us mourn about our fat and short feet while not realizing that it’s the same feet with which we walk, stand up in prayer to Allah and fall down in Sujud to Him. Are we as grateful for whatever we have as much as we mourn about it? How many of us hate the way we look, the way our mouths are positioned, the way our noses are stubbed, the way our eyes are, the acne we have on our skin, etc, etc, etc. While we are mourning, and even hating ourselves for the way we look, have we ever given a moment of thought to appreciating what we have and saying Alhamdulillah for it?

Allah is beautiful and loves beauty. So should we, but we shouldn’t get obsessed with it. I know of many people who have gone under severe depression just thinking about the few pounds they’ve gained, a few pimples on the faces, etc. In extreme cases, it has even lead to suicide! That’s the fact. It’s all the pressure of the media and the world, where they project the image of the ‘rich and beautiful’ making it seem as though others have absolutely nothing in this world. And it’s sad that the teens of today are falling headlong into that trap.

It’s more disappointing to see Muslims falling into this trap when we know that our beauty is only a test from Allah and that our beauty isn’t going to get us anywhere. Only our Imaan and Taqwa will. Beautify your heart and that will naturally reflect on your face. And that kind of beauty is the real beauty. Not the fake beauty plastered on magazines and ads with tons and tons of makeup and enhancements.





Well, a few years ago, you'd find almost every Muslim woman with the Hijab,but now, most women make excuses for not wearing the Hijab.Fast foward another a few years who knows if we'd find as many Hijabis as we find now, may Allah save us.


Lately, I’ve come across quite a lot of pages online saying the Hijab isn’t obligatory in Islam. I don’t know how they can even manage to say something like that when the Hijab is ordered explicitly in the Quran in Surah Al-Ahzab and Surah Noor.

“And say to the believing women that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty; That they should not display their beauty and ornaments except what is apparent of it and that they should draw their veils over their bosoms.” (Surah Noor 24:31)
‘O Prophet! Tell your wives and your daughters and the women of the believers to draw their cloaks ("Jalabib") veils all over their bodies that is most convenient that they should be known (as such) and not molested: and Allah is Oft-Forgiving Most Merciful." (Surah Al-Ahzaab: 59) 



Nattassha Shaheera binti Rosli Zulkiflee. Well, that is my name. Given by my late dad & my mom. Once I asked my mom, why my name is like this. I don't like it. I want in my name have 'Putri' / 'Putery' or what ever. As long as got Puteri. Then my mom said actually they want to give me a name like this 'Putri Nattassha Shaheera' well, it was my late dad suggestion. Then my mom suddenly said better we only just put as 'Nattassha Shaheera' cause my mom likes 'Shaheera' and my late dad really likes 'Puteri' but .... erm, 'mengalah dengan bini kan' haha. So, this is me. Nattassha Shaheera, haha.

To be honest, sometimes I hate being myself. Theres one voice in my head that says 'You're not good enough;You're ugly;You're stupid' Yes, I hate that voice. Sometimes I feels like killing myself. Cause I feels like there is no 'happiness' in this world anymore since my late dad left me alone and I have to face this cruel world alone. It's been a tough years since my late dad left me and my mom. Our life changed. I've changed. My mom changed. All people changed. Not the same anymore.

Back when I was in form 1 (last year) haha, I don't like this light-pink colour stuff. I don't care what the things is, if it's light-pink, I'll hate it. But not now. Most of my stuff is light-pink colour e.g. Guitar, Bag, High heels. ahh theres more. hehe :p So girly. And seriously. I HATE HARDCORE SONGS. But now. I'm addicted to those songs. My mom said Screamo , metal-core, post-hardcore, death-core what ever, is sucks. Cause they're just screaming and screaming and screaaaaaming~ Ahhhh. only the persons that like hardcore would understands how I feels.

Now, I'm keeping my distance with every single person that I met in my life. I don't want to get attached. I don't want my heart breaks about 123456788908166336263263288982198291821 > times. Enough for the heartbreaks. I hope my new man can makes me forget that I've been lied on, stabbed by, dumped by. I want my new man makes me believe that, theres still have happiness in this cruel world. Makes me smile again. Not the fake one, The real smiles. I hope that man stay by my sides through upside-down , no matter how hard the situations is, he will stay. I don't want it to be broken promises. I need my man to complete me. And I'll love him more than anything.


It’s so hard, sometimes, to accept myself. Me with all my, probably imagined, imperfections. I can have a one-second look in the mirror and go out, go dancing and enjoy the night. But I can also stare, searching for something bad on myself. I’m not developed to who I’m gonna be yet. My style and personality are changing everyday. Every morning I decide who I want to be that day.


I care too much about others opinions. Skinny girls, who are afraid to stand out, dominate my class. I’m not really an outsider, but I am not one of them either. Not that I want to, oh I confuse myself so much, why do I even care about their opinions? See, that’s how it works in my head. I now I’m not some random girl without brains, I do care about things, I want to learn, want to know more and I want to develop myself.


Right now, everything is changing. My friends have fight, others get a boyfriend and one of them even forget about me because of him. I’m getting to know new people. I’m discovering that old, not-so-good friends are really nice.Everything is changing each single day. The happenings teach me, guide me and try to help me with my quest. I’m following a bendy road, filled with holes. Trying to find a way to love myself. And I’m on my way now. I’m on my way.


I figured it out. I figured out our relationship. We are the happiest together when we are apart. Together we are detrimental to one another. It took me some time to get here and I don't know how I did it but I figured out you and me.

It goes to the basics. You and I are motivated by one thing in life. You and I both live for our dreams and passions. We have strong urge to follow what is in our minds and devote ourselves to what we believe in. Our passions make us who we are no matter how pointless or silly they may be.

When we met each other out universes collided. The attraction, the powerlessness, the paralysis, the desire, the pain, the lust, the need was there yet it was hopelessly unworkable. To pursue that desire would translate to giving up part of our devotion to what we do in real life. The harder we would try to pursue one another the more we would get lost and disappointed in each other and in ourselves. Each one of us would hate to see the other give up the devotion to what we do because one would know how much the one valued it. We loved watching each other succeed yet the more we would succeed the more we would get separated from each other...

You were strong I was weak. You made me feel completely weak... The more we would try to fit in and try to get together, the more each one of us would get disappointed and sad that the other one wasn't real. And it drove us to insanity, to bully each other, to close up, to lose sight of reality and we were disintegrating as people. The environments we grew up in planted different dreams in us and we were deeply devoted to them.

To see you with someone who makes you happy and would put a smile on your face and you fulfilling your dreams would give me a sense of unbearable lightness. I was never big enough to fill your shoes and may be your were just too big to fit into mine, but your happiness is key to mine.


I can't quite remember your face anymore. But the mention of your name would still conjure up a feeling I can't quite express.To be honest, I did once think that you could be the one. But you certainly didn't mean it when you said you loved me. 

Frankly, I don't feel for you anymore. I don't love you. I've moved on and am happy with my man. Yet, I still need an outlet to let my feelings go. I need to tell the world what I could not do anywhere else. I need to let go of a secret that has tied me to you. I don't need sympathy, I just don't want to keep quiet anymore. I want to be free of this burden. I want to be free of you. 

Now, I'm happy with my man. He loves me just the way I am. His name is Haikal Jalil. He makes me believe that love is not a broken-heart thingy. He cares about me. He's there when I need him the most, well not like you. I saw your tweets and bio on Twitter. Seems like you had your new gf. Congratulations then. I hope you guys will be together till the end of time (: I'm happy for you too.